Why I Chose Not To Rule The World

[Sunny Cervantes]

My old boss is my client now and I swear the old crone has not changed.

3 days ago, I went for my weekly client call and I find him lambasting the entire sales team and just about ready to burst an artery. Typical. The moment he sees me, he barks at me to brief the team. Again. My ex-boss forgets I am no longer his group product manager. What I am is his consultant which is why I should not have to endure another marketing presentation for sales people. I'm a consultant so my job is to - hello?! - consult, what else? Alphabetically, it is so remote from sales orientation.

I gave such a boring briefing. My client seemed suspended in disbelief. He was expecting to see the old me - always on the warpath with sales. Hell hath no fury than a Product Manager thwarted, trust me. Instead, I talked for about 5 minutes in a monotonous voice that would've bored the Orcs to death. Even I got bored. Then, I sat down to drink my coffee which was so vile I wanted to vomit at the secretary who made it. The Financial Comptroller asked me if I was ok. I looked at her pounding mercilessly on the calculator and I actually gave a genuine sympathetic smile - to the calculator.

I am reminded of another Financial Comptroller who sits next to me during Mancom (Management Committee) meetings. To stop ourselves from falling asleep, we pass notes that often acidly comment on someone's idiotic recommendations. Once I kicked him on the shins when his presentation was halfway to lunch. How can one listen to bad debts, losses and skyrocketing Forex on an empty stomach? It's enough to give you an ulcer. And since the PM is always the first in the line of fire, I have discovered 12 million and one ways of sitting down in a swiveling chair without getting up. I am a woman of many talents.

I actually worked with a Plant Engineer before who could not identify the sound of a generator. I kid you not. The lights flickered during Mancom, the generator automatically whirred and the Plant Engineer said the sound came from a ghost. But, just to be sure, I put in a request for a change of office because mine was located right next to the conference room. It was denied. My boss figured I would scare the ghost and not the other way around which meant it will save the company a lot in exorcism and seances.

Hey, I miss the power that goes with my job, yes. But, I certainly do not miss the stress and the pressure. No, I don't miss my salary either - 32% of that goes to taxes anyway. These days, I take the public commute but I can afford to wake up late, watch trashy Taiwanese soaps on cable (even when I don't understand a word) and have exploding varicose veins due to camping trips with Angel.

In the end, the vile coffee reminded me that, yes, I no longer have the power job and everything that went with it. But, I have something far more precious: a life. Not to mention, infinitely better tasting coffee brewed to perfection by my daughter's nanny.